Sunday, 28 January 2018


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Why downsize?

Why, oh why, do I keep downsizing? I'm at it again. Off have gone all the belongings that I didn't need nor use.

I have a small library of books and "stuff" ready to go to the local Hospice shop. I feel very virtuous  doing this, and from time to time, I do wonder if my belongings are causing overflow in the charity shop where they have been dropped. So much stuff! Where has it come from over the last two years? (this is actually a Divine and unanswerable question)

I am moving home

And why am I downsizing again? I am moving. I don't know where, and I've given notice to the property manager of wee cottage, so I am getting a little bit frantic, thinking of how I may end up frequenting various couches of my friends until I find somewhere. And, it does seem as though each place that I live in, gets smaller, and that leaves very little room for my quirky stuff.

We keep what matters

And also, we change. What matters to us, changes, over a lifetime. Plus, I came to realise that some of my "treasures" had mattered to me, only because in some way they were fulling a void. Some things like:

  • family photos,
  • artwork from one of my children
  • jewellery from Mum
  • presents from my family
  • a little Wedgewood jewellery box that Dad and I gave to Nanna for her birthday, and then it was later bequeathed to me on one of my birthdays 
All of these are priceless treasures. I could not give them away. But the rest were, indeed, filling a void.

The void that is left

What is this void? I suspect that it is probably similar for most of us: lack of some thing specific in our life. It could be anything, often there is no explanation for this.

Or, feeling that we are lacking within our personality, that we are not enough. I realised that some of my belongings were fulfilling this aspect. Weirdly, I never used those items, so out they must go.

Know that we are enough on our own

We all have times when we do not feel enough, I know that. Time, I feel, to get back into knowing that I am, indeed, enough. On my own, without props (except a bit of make-up, I'm not brave enough to go without that). In these times when we are encouraged to be everything, the feeling that we are not enough, is so easy a trap to fall into. Marisa Peer super life coach and hypnotherapist, frequently emphasises that we need to tell ourselves:

                      I am enough; I have enough. 

I had an epiphany moment where I realised that some of my unusual and vintage books were 100% to do with two of my children, and that they reminded me of special days with them. Which was why when I had a clear out and passed them on to a charity shop, I would then always go out and buy them again.  Several times over. Yes, really. But I have let some of them go, and I am determined that I will not repurchase them. I am feeling both brave and sad at the same time.

I have also sent any unused cosmetic stuff to the hospice. I am notorious in hanging onto these. Beautiful shoes that I never wore because they didn't fit properly, any lovely garments given by friends but didn't suit me, off they went too.

Fill the void created

But all of this biffing also leaves a void. And, nature abhors a vacuum. Meaning, if we don't fill "spaces",  or vacuums, which have been created, by, in this case, downsizing, clearing out "stuff", then the law of nature is that, that space will be filled by the rhythm of life itself. And not always to our benefit.

So this is something that is good to ponder when we downsize:

What will we fill this void, the space created, with?

And finally, I just could not resist this:

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Sunday, 21 January 2018

Marisa Peer: love what you do

Marisa Peer:

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The brain-body thing

I was listening to a video clip from Marissa Peer, hypnotherapist, whereby she links pleasure to accomplishing something. Marissa says that our brains will always do what we want: for example, we might repeatedly tell ourselves that we hate our job. And then, mysteriously, our body responds by getting sick so that we get sick so we can't do the job.

I once worked with a woman who would get indignant and self righteous over trifles, and decided that our boss was to blame for everything. She kept saying that he "made her sick". As you can guess, my friend got sick! Mysteriously sick. She went to a doctor, who told her.... that her boss "made her sick"! I kid you not. Actually our boss was a nice guy so it was quite confusing to me. I'm sure that you can remember similar stories from your own life, whereby someone had a self-fulfilling sickness prophecy.

Learn to love what you do

Marisa says that the key to doing whatever you have to do & whatever you want to do, is to tell yourself that you love it & it becomes easier. Our body will respond by helping us to do whatever we need to do, because our inner being and our body will always look for pleasure rather than pain. And loving doing something is a pleasurable thing! So then, instant help suddenly comes from within ourselves.

But if we dread doing something, which is like linking pain to doing it, we just keep putting it off, and feeling less desirable emotions such as guilt, feeling "down", or tiredness, which is not such great news when we need to go to work, get healthier, clean the oven - whatever!

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I was overwhelmed

When I heard this video, I was sitting, feeling down & overwhelmed because I'm leaving wee cottage soon & the real estate agent was coming around.

Panic! All that I could think of was : windows need cleaning, mouldy bits need to be washed off, including the mouldy path to the cottage; over the top spring cleaning; haven't gardened forever, etc etc etc. Honestly, all that was in my psyche over all this was a sense of being overwhelmed & crippled with it. And this of course is also about emotions. And my body was weirdly immobilised.

So I followed Marisa's advice

I instantly followed Marisa's advice. I told myself that I love having a clean cottage. Bam! I couldn't stop myself, cleaning fast, hither & thither. Like an olympic sprinter. (I was impressed with myself, actually.....). My energy came right up! 

Instead of having down energy & emotions, I had dynamic, happy, energy & feelings.

And added my own twist

I was so impressed by this technique.  Actually I cheated a bit... I also added excitement! Excitement at having a spotless, gleaming wee cottage. And, also weirdly.... I have been happily maintaining having everything tidy and in it's place. This is so not the usual me...... I am usually tidy-ish, yes, but not fanatically so.

So, I have been wondering what else that I could apply this to? At present I am looking at everything this way: love and excitement. What do you need to do, that causes inertia, or dread, or excuses? Maybe you could try this technique too, and perhaps let me know how you got on.

Friday, 12 January 2018

how can we manifest our dreams?

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the New Year Resolution quandary

At the start of every year, most of us are busy making or deciding, on our New Year's resolutions. Often they don't get followed through, and sometimes they don't manifest at all.

how do we make them happen?

So, what can we do to have our wants, dreams, goals, aspirations, manifest?

step one:

The first thing is to write them down. Apparently, when we write something down, it is more likely to be fulfilled. I can attest to that. I have often found lists that I had made in previous years, and been totally surprised that in some way or another, the goals that I had listed, did indeed happen, even if it was not in that year, and often they happened differently to how I thought things would work out.

extra options:

You can do other things too, according to what suits you: you can journal your path to that goal, you can have a vision board, you can visualize the outcome of that goal or dream. You can make lists where you tick things off. Another blogger likes Excel and uses that to mark off her daily & weekly goal tasks.

second step:

The second most important thing is - don't confine yourself too much to how you think the achieved goal, dream, will be once it happens. It can be better and bigger than what you had thought it could be, and it may even morph into a different , more beneficial direction, which is very common.

but that's not all......

But on the other hand, we do need some idea of the achievement, to drive us forward to reaching it. A paradox, to be sure. Why do we need these ideas? 

Well, perhaps if we look at the emotions involved with achieving our dream, rather than ideas. Why, because we are feeling creatures, our emotions are so tied up with our life, from the joys to the deep despair. This is how we are. 

And it is also emotions which can either propel us to our destination, or completely halt what we are trying to do.

a lovely secret:

We do need to have an idea of the sort of emotions that we would need to get something done, and how we would feel when we have achieved it. 

A most useful, and lovely, emotion is excitement. Like a happy, dynamic tingle which goes through every part of us, creating a momentum towards the outcome. 

So, what can we do to create this excitement? 

  • Sometimes just thinking about what we are after, will create that excitement
  • Sometimes we do have to work at creating it and building it up by repeatedly bringing the completion or achievement of the goal to mind, along with the sensation of excitement.

We all have had times of excitement whilst going to do something, or waiting for something:

  • Remember the excitement of being very young and waiting for Santa to come? 
  • How excited you were before your birthday party? 
  • The happiness and excitement of looking forward to being with a partner whom you are in love with? 

Yes, excitement is within us all, just a-waiting for a chance to express itself.

The link with Heart Math

Why is it important to be excited about the (future) achievement of our dreams? There is a very special reason. The Heart Math Institute In the USA has studied and tracked people for decades, to find out what creates emotional intelligence, known as E.Q. (emotional quotient), and also the traits of those who are emotionally intelligent. It seems those those who have a high E.Q. have happier lives.

Why? E.Q. is about:

  • understanding, and utilizing our emotions, in our life. 
  • in other words, knowing oneself by knowing our emotions, 
  • and being able to motivate oneself via emotions. 
  • Being able to relate to others' emotions is important too. 
So, it is different from I.Q. which means Intelligence Quotient and which is about how we learn, understand, and apply information in various settings.

How can we get or increase E.Q? It can be developed and built upon. I honestly feel that life helps us to be more caring, but there are other ways, too.

how to do the lovely secret:

It can be created in childhood, by encouraging a child to wait for something, and be okay about it. Have you seen a child wait for something that they want to have? Like a bicycle for their birthday, or a trip to a place where there are exciting and scary rides. They get excited, jump, hop, dance, and just generally be happy. But if we just give everything to our children, without helping them learn how to wait for something, we are stunting their E.Q. We are taking away a chance to be happier. This does not apply to putting an icecream in front of a child and not letting them touch it, though!

It's also training for not relying on instant gratification for our happiness.

It is the same for us. We can learn happy anticipation, we can develop excitement as we wait for and work towards something. These emotions are like fuel which propels us forwards. It is impossible to sit still and not do something when these emotions are running through our being.

So, our dreams, our goals - how would you feel being excited about them happening?

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Saturday, 6 January 2018

2018 and choices

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Choices not resolutions

I have decided to have choices, not resolutions, for 2018. Why?

I always have the future in mind. As opposed to living in the future, I might add. No, I always know what direction that I want to take for the following year, as one year draws to a close. I don't always achieve what I set out to do. I've realised that no one is an island. We don't just decide this, that, and the other, and get it all done, with no interference, no hiccups, nothing to create ripples in our life. Quite the contrary. Sometimes almost everything can go wrong. And this happens in life.

Life got in my way

Sometimes it's oneself. Sickness, having to earn extra money for the family, not being disciplined enough: honestly, there are a myriad of unforeseen things that can halt our progress. Sometimes things happen with family and friends whereby what we want to do - it's not as important as what is going on around us.

My choice, in these instances, is just to wait until things are okay, or better. Until the stars align to enable getting moving with one's plans and dreams.

I have had such a year. And now, as a new year is arising, I'm ready to resume my plans of choice. I used the difficult times to make background plans for the direction of 2018. And that, too, was a choice. Handle whatever.... but make a choice to hold onto the dream, the direction in which you want to go.

Sometimes it can take me ages to sort out what direction to go in, particularly with work. I find making the choices of all that one can do, difficult. I always joke that it's because I am a double Libran. Libra sun, Libra moon ( moon sign rules our emotions). Libra is the sign that (apparently) finds decision making hard. But I only find decisions hard when they are not important. Why is this so?

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How to know when it's an important choice

When you find the right decision, the right choice - it's All Systems A Go! You just know when you find it, because it resonates with one's beliefs, one's values. And these are the important choices. I think that's why they are so easy to make, because we are dealing with issues that are close to our heart.

Listen to the calls of the heart

Our heart cannot lie. Different parts of our mind can "lie" as in rationalising, or justifying, or wanting. But our heart is closely allied to our values, and I do feel that this is because our values, when they are in line with our heart, our values they marry with our conscience. 

Although our gut feelings can also "tell" us when something is right or wrong, when we are close to our inner self - we find it hard to go against our values.

One way that I did this

I teach deep spirituality, via Yoga. I'm always being asked to teach more classes. A couple of years ago, I made a choice not to do that, because in my heart, I knew that it wasn't "what I am about". I felt that it was like always suggesting to an engineer that they fix dripping taps for a living, instead of doing engineering. So, rather than take more yoga classes, I prefer to teach seminars, because they are a better vehicle for teaching deep spirituality.

It was a big step, stopping teaching lots of classes, because it was my livelihood. But my choice, following my heart, was to downsize, and let the Inner Me shine forth. I have not regretted this decision. Another direction came clear straight after that choice. As though it was just waiting for a space to manifest in. And the new direction was even closer to my values.

Our values define us

And our values, they too define "what we are about". When we know our values, what we ideally can and can't live with, then it becomes easier to make choices. And when we are firmly established in our values, we are happier, stronger. Our choices then become easier to make.

So, for me, 2018, is about choices in line with my values.

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