making life easier

                             

famous advice

I was reading advice from two quite different celebrities, recently. Both were saying that:

• be nice
• be kind

And it reminded me of some interesting celebrity gossip from a friend, about thirteen years ago. He had worked with and  photographed many famous celebrities during his years working in New York. Think Mariah Carey. Beyonce. Just to name a couple. He said that one thing that stood out about the more successful people was something that they all did, that they all were:

the more successful people are the nicest people

And he told me about a well-known actress who desperately wanted to be a top star, but never quite got there. He said that she actually wasn't very nice, and he was quite clear that this was why she couldn't get the stardom that she was after. And, she is known a very good actress.

Now, we are not all going to go after the rich-and-famous lifestyle, but the message here is so important. 

if we want to get on in life, it helps to be nice. and kind

I actually don't think that this is a good enough reason to be a decent person, I feel that it's just better for us, if we are. But, the parallels here are glaringly obvious. 

Although, I have had many times in my life when being a decent person just wasn't helping. Detrimental, even. And really this was just big sign to move away from some people, away from some situations. Not to stop being me, but just remove myself. 

I like to feel good about myself. Not in an egotistical way, though. I just don't want to be a mean person. I like to be able to go to sleep with a clear conscience, and the best way to do that, I've found, is to be a decent person. Kindness is free. And we have, I feel, an inexhaustible supply of it. And yes, sometimes it's been misguided for me to be kind in some situations, but I still feel better about myself taking The High Road, in life. Sometimes, for me, being kind has been mistaken by someone else, as me being weak. But, it's much stronger, I feel, to stick to my guns, and be someone whom I like, and whom I can live with.

mum's legacy

My mum used to always say the most annoying things, like:

• walk a mile in their shoes', if we criticised someone
• 'I used to complain about my shoes (for example), then I met a man who had no feet', if we whined about not having something (and we truly didn't have much), or if we had a trivial complaint
• 'don't be like that, dear', if we said something mean

All of this inadvert sage advice, it did seep in. As a child, in my later teens, and as a young mum, I hated it. Inwards groaning and all that whenever these platitudes got trotted out. (there were lots more). And now, horror of horrors: I now say stuff like that too! Worse, I also understand why and how these sayings came about. Mum was always doing quiet good turns for people whose lives were not good. I think that she truly understood kindness. I was so  proud of her.

Why am I writing about kindness and Mum, today? I dreamed of her, this morning. On Mothers Day. She has been gone for many years. 

I now have my own annoying advice that I repeatedly voice to all and sundry:

follow your heart, for your heart does not lie

we never truly know another's story (so don't be so quick to judge another)