Taking advice

ADVICE
helpful, or ?

We need to find out what's best for us

When I was younger, I often would get upset when people gave me unsolicited advice. Of course, when we are young, we are more sensitive to criticism. Partly because, um, we think we know more than we really do. And partly because we want to find our own way, which I do feel is so important. Having our own successes and learning from our "failures". And how can we possibly learn and succeed if others are trying to control our course? 

I am really big on encouraging my family and friends, on their own successes. I know the special things that are so wonderful about each and everyone of my family. And I'm so proud of them all. I want them to know that we don't all have to be the same. That it's okay to be different. Actually, with a couple of them when they were young, I may also have been proud of some somewhat imperfect (naughty) things that they did. Just because of the cleverness involved.

These days, for myself, I can quietly get a tad "ggrr" when controlling advice gets given. When you're older, people often assume that you're stupid. Which is, in itself, really stupid. And when you're small (like moi), well, the same reasoning can often be in place. So not nice. I just give a big polite smile when it happens, and remove myself if I can. I am totally over arguing a point. 

I know that I have areas of dumbness, and I'm okay with it. I am not great with anything at all that requires really simple tech savvy, for example. I once house sat for family who had remotes for nearly everything. I could use some of the lights, shower, loo, kettle, toaster and fridge. I was in total confusion over tech things that my very young grandchildren could do. 

know our own brilliance

I do believe that everyone has a special gift, and that some people have many. These days I focus on what I can do, and what I excel in and at:

• I can be relied on when people are hurting, or having difficulties, to just listen with love
• I have very unique gifts as a healer. But I'm not as great with the purely physical, and I'm okay with that now 
• I am very clairvoyant. But when I know someone is being dodgy to or about me, I don't really have the skills to do something about it
• I'm a really good yoga teacher. I can't swim but I'm great with all aspects of yoga (maybe not so good with the singing though)
• I am methodical, loyal, and hard working. But not so great with socialising
• writing comes easy to me, but computers? (aarrrgghhh)

I know that everyone has the can do-s and the cannot do-s. I used to work so hard on what I couldn't do, and life just didn't work out for me. So now it's just putting my energy into what my own skills are. 

And it's so good to look at this for oneself, so what are your skills?

I wish when I had been a young mum, that I'd had a "mentor"

It would have made life so much easier. My own Mum had a big family and worked, so I felt that it would have been unfair to "hang off" her. I didn't know how to drive until four years after becoming a mother, so I couldn't get to see her during the day without lots of bus travel, as I lived semi-rurally, and to get anywhere was a mission, with two young kids. Although I did have a couple of nearby friends, there wasn't that wise guiding hand nearby. Sometimes, on reflection, I wonder if it was that I had been the eldest of five until I was twelve, and Mum's right hand man with child care, that made motherhood easy to step into at a young age. But still, I did long for someone wise to turn to.  Maybe it was just part of My Path in Life to have to sort things out for myself.

when to listen (for moi-self)

I do listen to advice, quite often. And ask for it. Sometimes I've had female flatmates tell me I look good wearing this or that when in fact I looked terrible. Or that I looked awful when I was looking good. Yes, I stupidly listened. But sometimes I get it right: I lightened my hair recently (dark blonde which doesn't really look blonde at all, but it's not brown), and was wearing bright pink, at a family gathering. And to my surprise, my youngest sister who has never ever made a comment about my appearance, told me twice in one night, that both looked good. To keep the hair colour, and to wear that shade of pink. Wow. Thanks, Joanne.  And I asked an eternally youthful and gorgeous friend what to do about my appearance. I really did listen, because she had it all so together. 


I know that how you look is a somewhat shallow reason for taking advice or not, but it does matter to me.  On more important matters, yes, of course I ask for advice (frequently), and even if the answer doesn't feel right, then it's still another point to consider. 

What are your thoughts on advice?