why, oh why, do I always go on about topics like values?
- because I get so much positive private feedback about them
- that's why
Values interest me. They really do. My own, and those of others.
When I was a young mum, having problems with someone's judgements and behaviour, especially towards me, I spoke with my step father Joe, about it. I was doing the "why are they doing this to me/behaving like this/saying these things?" Joe said "but they are just always being true to their self".
Honestly, this was totally the wrong answer for me. I kept whining and arguing about it to him. Which is hard to do when someone is smiling lovingly at you. He repeated it several times. I finally got it. The offender (they were definitely that in my eyes) was consistent with what they believed in. Right or wrong. They were staying true to theirself.
This incident and many other similar ones where I wasted my life asking "why?" reminds me how it often is a waste of time trying to figure things out that are not going to change.
And I might not have liked that person's values, but they lived by them. Stuck by them. And this incident from so long ago, led me to repeatedly, quietly, look at my own beliefs and values. What I stood for.
I always believed in standing for something, meaning having a creed by which one lived. Sometimes I was so off the mark that I can't bear to remember those times when I was that way.
I respected Joe, and I never forgot this little incident. It was a Life Lesson for me. He was my children's Poppa Joe, a lovely grandfather. Joe was Scottish, lived in the very poor area of Glasgow, and little more than a boy when he joined the army in World War Two. He was more accepting of people and life than many other people. As often is the case of those who have been through horrific times.
I like to learn from others. Some of my own values are:
- you can do anything if you put your mind to it: from my Grandfather, Laurie Inch
- never let anyone stop you from what you are doing: Papa Novi, my Te Reo Maori teacher
- kindness does matter: learnt by being around my Mum and Nanna Inch
- everything happens in it's own time: my friend Debbie Wymer who is more patient than I
- children are precious and to be loved: from moi-self
- don't do things that make oneself feel "bad", for doing those things is like a shadow going over the heart: moi again