rewriting your life

                                   

a difficult time

I have been unwell and then managed to get the flu, too.  My immunity was so low from being with people who had the flu, and accumulated stress from a difficult year. Plus being 'all over the place' with

• unpacking in my new cabin, without much space to put anything
• sorting out my 'stuff'
• making new boxes for the op-shop
• studying, and having end of term tests. I have been really struggling. The good news, for me, is that I am incredibly determined, so I'm sure that I'll come out being fluent in Te Reo Maori. 

Being so sick made me stop and do nothing. I had to force myself to stop obsessing about 'getting things done', and just recuperate.  Which I did do, thanks, with the help of m'sieur netflix, a hottie, and sleep. Lots of sleep. 

Then suddenly, at the height of my being really sick, I had an epiphany. Yes, a big one. A First World one actually, but important for the happiness of my own moi-iverse, aka My World Is All About Me. Hopefully, to some extent at least, we all get to have moi-iverse times in our life. I think that my time is now. 

the Big Epiphany

I could rewrite my life exactly how I want it. Yes. It was as simple as that. I always know what I want to get done, but somehow circumstances have prevented this for quite a few years. I feel that I have removed most obstacles to my plans, but, I also know that life is always going to present Things That Get In The Way. I also gave so much of my time to so many situations and people, when I really should have just been more hard-hearted, and done what I wanted to do. 

Lessons, lessons. These sort of scenarios are truly my weak points. And I always learn The Hard Way that I'm making mistakes doing them. But that's okay, as life is for experiencing, learning, and loving.

So, in what sort of ways can I write my new history?

• daily routines. For me, I just cannot see how I can accomplish my own dreams without making time to do them. Which means regularity with most things in my life, and just quickly getting these routines done rather than procrastinating. I find that regularity in many areas leaves time, too, for family and friends.
• I was going for a walk most mornings, and often in the late afternoon, but now that I've shifted into the steep and winding Waitakere Ranges, I'm not sure that at the moment I can manage to emulate a mountain goat by tromping up and down these hills. Especially my amazingly (scary) steep driveway. Ah well, I'm sure that I can sort something out for heart fitness.
• A regular time for studying. The recommended time is one hour daily (gasp!)
• Sort out a do-able schedule for my new plans (secret)

I am quite excited about all of this. Sometimes, we just have to take stock of our life, and Sort It Out, other times a window of opportunity opens wide and beckons. It beckons: 'come, fulfill your dreams'

the big shop

                              

I have done A Big Shopping Expedition. But, because I actually dislike shopping, and am really not good at it, it was really only a wee incomplete Big Shop. And, therefore, another is in order.

How has this come about? Me, gasp! actually going shopping. It was a 'needs must', situation. As I unpacked my belongings in wee cabin, I noticed some things:

• I didn't have enough warm clothes, and, I was so cold! Plus, frankly, my winter gear was tatty. Out a lot of it went. I bought a new pair of warm trousers, in black, of course; a wee red poncho/cape; a red jumper; and a teal green jumper. I just love strong jewel colours
• my wee tootsies were cold. I really do have tiny feet, which is usually a source of amusement for other people. So, I bought some sneakers, and some ankle booties with heels. I had a look at the nice (expensive) sneakers and booties, and just got overwhelmed. Then, when I was in The Warehouse, the exact wee boots that I wanted caught my eye! Most satisfying purchases
• I actually went there to buy some storage stuff for wee cabin, because I have no-where really to stash stuff. But hey, tomorrow is another day, and I can do this another day
• I recently bought another stand up small oil heater, to deal with the lovely freezing cold. And I assembled my first ever 'thing', because I had to put wheels on the bottom. So I did. Upside down. And it took me ages to manage this
• and this is nothing to do with anything, but, I found some nutella which is not made with palm oil. So delicious. I spend ages in shops, generally being a nuisance, reading labels to make sure that I am not buying anything that would harm an orangutan. Truly. This matters a lot to me. And I also avail myself of a good peruse of those junky 'women's magazines', which I don't buy.

So, who are these people who love shopping? I am not one of them. But, it was explained to me one day, by a very canny and savvy woman: when you go shopping for clothes, you are trying them on to see what suits you. Then, when the sales come around, if you really do need something, you already know what to buy. (It honestly amazes me that I have a daughter who is a good shopper)

Over the past few months I did some op-shopping with a sister. I find that I get a bit out of hand in those shops, and come out with lots of things that I don't need, and generally never use. Then back they go, as donations. So ridiculous. I now am avoiding browsing in them, but, with all of my unpacking, I am still gathering a lot of things to drop off. Wee cabin is just too wee for me to have much. 

Rain, nature, and such

                    

Well, I move into the rain belt of Auckland, and so the heavens decided to open up and whip us with lashings of sideways rain and freezing cold. It has been SO cold. I really feel that I need some more warm clothes. I mean, just how many layers can one person wear?

I have watched movies on youtube, with a heater going, a hottie clutched to my chest (a first for me, I don't usually do hotties), under blankets, trying to get warm. Instead of unpacking. Yes, most tardy. When I come home from studying, and it's cold, I am not interested in sorting myself out. I just want to wallow in miserableness. Knowing that it will pass and that after a few days, I am so over behaving like that. I then want my organised life back.

I love the way that life always brings us back on course. Life, and our own peculiarities. Every time I sort out something in wee cabin, I beam and feel most proud. Because it's been rainy and cold, and I have actually done something. I have now allocated unpacking a box or two a day, so that I stop feeling overwhelmed by the rain and the unpacking.

But, I do love the sound of the rain on the tin roof of the cabin. I sleep best when it's noisy, so that rain is comforting. And the beauty of the early morning mist arising from the bush is so special. I feel most privileged to be here.

And, when the rain stops, there is a beautiful stillness in the bush. Like a magical moment in time. When there is no rain, I see the most beautiful sunrises. This is my favourite time of day. All of these special bits of nature make me so grateful to be here. 

                    
                                       (Blackrock, North Shore)

I spent my very happy teenage years living next to the sea at Blackrock on Auckland's North Shore, and of course, that is another 'would love to live there' scenario. By the ocean. Whereas the bush has a silence, a stillness, the sea has the sound of waves, the taste of the sea in the air. Music to my ears.

                    
                                        (Lake Whangape)

I also lived in a yoga community in the countryside, by Lake Whangape, near Rangirire, for some years, many moons ago. The magic early mornings there are etched forever into my memory. There is something about just before dawn. Yogis say that this is when there is more life-force, prana, in the air. The trees have been releasing energy upwards during the night and the effects of this are felt in the early morning.

                    
                                              (Sandy Bay)

With my youngest, we spent three years living high on a hill, in the Northland countryside, five minutes drive from the beach. When it rained there, it was always torrential. The views were majestic. Those years gave my wee daughter many happy times, running in the wind, playing outside past dusk, climbing trees, laughing on the beach. 

What are your special memories of where you've lived? And why were they special? When I look at what I've written, I would say that living close to nature is important to me. And happy family memories. 

the trials and tribulations of moving house

                                   

I've moved! 

Yet again. Off into the hills. I'm gonna be a hill-billy. Not. But, yes, high up in the Waitakere ranges, which I love. I love those ranges. I even love the wind and rain that they bring. Well, sometimes I do. My new-to-me tiny abode is a cottage with panoramic views. Like a bedsit, really. Or, is it a cabin? Lucky, lucky me. It has a little veranda for early morning meditation. I am so excited about it.

letting go of more 'stuff'

I didn't have much stuff to move, because well, I actually don't have much 'stuff'. Nevertheless, I did have to let a lot of my belongings go. I'm going from a house to a tiny cottage, so unnecessary items have had to be disposed of. A van of useful items, plus some books and clothes, for the Salvation Army. Bedding and odd bits of furniture to a niece. Furniture to a sister. And now that I am unpacking in wee abode, I am discovering that, ahem, I do have way too many belongings. More op-shop drop-offs are in order. 

Why do we keep stuff?

What did intrigue me, was wondering: why do we keep some things? I'm not a hoarder, so I don't keep much in case I might need things at some time, which is the definition of hoarding. So, what do I keep? I thought that I was practical in this area, but now evidence is showing me otherwise. I keep:

• the clothes that I do wear, as opposed to 'might wear'. It has taken me a fair few years to get to being like this with clothes, so I definitely used to be a hoarder in this area of life
• just enough kitchen crockery, cutlery, cooking utensils. I don't have parties and such so I don't need much in this area, but, alas I am busy disposing of more things
• some photos and special cards from family. My photos went to live with one of my kids, so I know where they are if I want to reminisce. I am rather sentimental
• my yoga folders. Some of the courses that I've written and presented over the decades. Much of this I have given away, as it's all embedded inside of me anyway, but I now know that some more must depart
• a massive aura healing folder. Um, yes, this is hoarding. I don't do nor teach, this anymore, and this too, is ensconced inside of me
• my Maori healing workbooks. These are definitely staying
• my beloved vintage yoga books. It will be hard letting go of these, but there is no room for them (big sigh)
• books which are trivial. I am going to keep some as I enjoy them. In my working life, I do serious and deeply meaningful things, like healing, and clairvoyance, and teaching spiritual yoga. I need books to read which are exactly the opposite. They help me unwind 

What do all of my keeping belongings, say? What do yours' say?  And, to me this was an epiphany: do my belongs say whom I really am? Other than a bit of a hoarder who thought that she wasn't one. To a real gather of unnecessary belongings, what I actually do have is laughable, inconsequential. 

Do my belongings give a clue as to my real personality? Or, do I use them to hide behind? Something for moi to ponder.

winter is here

                      

bbrrr

winter has made a dramatic entrance

Storms. Cold. It all happened very quickly. As our seasonal changes here in New Zealand are apt to do. But today the sun is back out. The cold is still here. Today is 'pull out my warm jumpers and hoodie' day. 

winter has it's own majesty

I do feel that winter has it's own charm, though. Even if sometimes we forget this.

• it's a time when we can sort of hibernate. Rest and restore. Early nights. 
• For those who are lucky to have a fireplace; this is so special and cosy.
• There is something that I love about being inside when the trees are swaying in the wind, and I can hear the rain on the roof
• Even though being outside in this is not quite as nice, but that's just me, I still go for a walk, even just a short one, most days. And in winter, having a brisk promenade seems to help ward off winter bugs.

winter clothes

• I really would like some ankle boots this year. I find it really hard to get footwear that actually fits me properly and comfortably. So a few shopping expeditions are in order to get these booties.
• One of my grand-daughters bought me a beautiful wool navy wrap a couple of years ago. I feel that I shall get many more years use out of it.
• Similarly, my jackets and coats seem to go on forever, Methinks that the time has come to perhaps update them.
• A beanie is invaluable. And wool gloves. Woolen scarf.
• I have been on the look-out for a warm poncho for ages. I am really short so things like wraps and ponchos can look somewhat ridiculous on me. Almost as though you can't find me under those garments. So it takes ages to find nice ones that flatter me.
• I always have a small foldup umbrella. I used to get really good ones but as they don't do so well in sudden gales, I have resorted to cheaper ones. Plus a bigger one. Those ugly golf ones actually are ideal, and maybe one day I shall get one.
• I like richer colours in winter. 

Today will be busy, scrambling through my boxes (I'm moving so have packed many of my clothes away) to assemble a winter wardrobe.

winter food

I love soup and have it most of the year. I always think how chic it would be to make soups using a tin of tomatoes, but as I'm allergic to them, I just mostly use vegetables. Good comfort food.

I often fondly remember winter food, growing up in my teens, at  my Nanna's. Steak and kidney pie, steamed puddings (golden syrup; jam  - both so yummy), roasts. Food heaven. I don't eat much meat so I wouldn't cook those meals now, but I did love them. 

I intend to use my wee slow cooker more, for legume and grain soups, and bean casseroles. Coming home out of the cold, opening the door and smelling warm, fragrant food is just such a treat. I have a very glamorous friend who does this most days. She says that it's just so easy to do.

My soaked muesli has quickly turned into porridge. I prefer cooked food, so autumn and winter foods really suit me. 

What suits you for winter? I find it helpful to eat according to the seasons, and also eating local foods which are grown in the season that we are in. It just seems more natural to me. 

when life is topsy turvy

                    

topsy turvy; upside down; things going awry; whatever

Sometimes it just happens. Everything goes crazy. And lots of things happen. All at once. And not easy; just darned difficult. How on earth do we get through it all?

I think that we just cope and do our best. Even if the coping is a bit suss, and our best is not that great but is only what we can do at the time. Sometimes we just have to let go and step into a new abyss of change and confusion. Because we can't actually stop it.

abyss: deep chasm; situation of catastrophe

Of course I am talking about moi, here. Getting across a bottomless chasm; coping with fast chaos, everything going wrong, left, right and centre. All at once. Spinning like a top, doing my best. After all, what else can one do?

But I can also get all New Agey, which actually I really dislike doing. Being a New Age person. In these instances, though, I remember something that Stuart Wilde said. This man was New Age before everyone else. He called such a situation a Quickening. When things speed up. So fast that we feel as though we are reeling. And it's all to do with change. Of course. I have experienced it so often. Sometimes it feels as though The Universe is pushing us into a direction, by making things so difficult that we must go the only way that is clear, for us. Which ironically, is the way that we were supposed to be going anyway. 

This is like a cosmic trick. And a very clever one, at that.

Why? O why does this happen, O Universe?

Now, I must clarify myself here: I have often felt that The Universe in all of it's unknown majesty and glory, might just just have more important things to do, than worry about me. You know, new nebulae, new galaxies, cosmic storms, different levels of Life, parallel Universes. I mean, when I look at all of these, my wants and needs do fade somewhat, into the ether. I am just not a universal priority.

But in the moi-iverse, (or, it's all about me), each of us is a priority. And, within this, and is this just me? Sometimes we forget that. Sometimes we forget that we might be going down the wrong road in our Life. I do clairvoyant readings where people come and ask Highly Meaningful Things, like: what direction should I be taking? And I answer. Clairvoyantly, of course. About the Right Path for that person.

Sometimes I am quite sure that I need a Secret Me to do just that. I might know when I'm not on the right path, but having this Me to hassle me along would be wonderful. Saying Important Things things like: 

• tumultuous stuff coming, but it won't last
• clearing the decks of what is not needed for you
• things will get better
• all things must pass (another of Mum's, and now my, sayings)
• be grateful
• get some sleep
• eat better
• have faith in yourself

Ah yes, I definitely need a Me.